You Can't Always Get What You WantLying in the dark next to him night after night yet nothing, he kisses me barely and as soon as I move to touch him it's done, over. He is across the room and won't come near me again for hours. How am I supposed to bear this? Having him here next to me is like a mean tease…. That I have to deal with constantly.
I wake up in the middle of the night knowing he is next to me. I feign a nightmare and roll over laying my head on his cool chest. His arms come around me making this feeling just grow worse. I can feel my chest beginning to rise and fall rapidly with my need, my need for him. Damn him, he is all I can think about. I stare at him each day wondering what will it be like when he finally does really touch me for the first time…..what would those cool fingers of his feel like against my bare breasts. Would he tease me lightly grazing my nipples but not really touching or would he tug at them making me wince with pain. As these thoughts run through my mind, I carefully half open my eyes to peek at him. Edward is just gazing into space as he holds me. So far he has not moved or pushed me away. He seems to be convinced that I am still asleep so I grow braver.
Fighting hard to take slow deep breathes to appear still in slumber, I begin to move my body closer to his until I can feel the icy touch of him again my leg. He does not move and still seems undisturbed by my actions as I bite my lip hard feeling my body begin to come alive with lusty thoughts. I have never wanted anyone as I want this man. Just the thought of him makes me feel myself grow wet between my legs and I struggle not to touch myself. He won't give me release but I need it so much, for weeks now we have been talking about marriage. Marriage is what he wanted to give me what I wanted but still we have not decided when. I need to know as that date holds the key to the day that I will finally be his, in every way. He is too much of a gentleman to take me before then. We have had many discussions about this but he does not realize that strength of my need, the weakness I have for him and the longing for him to take me into his arms once and for all. I need the release that only he can give me. So I have decided enough talk, now it time for action.
Slowly I bring up one leg and then ease it over his but I did not count on what would happen when just the side of his leg grazed my wet core. I am almost instantly biting back a moan as that touch sends electric sparks through my whole body; I know that I tightened my grip on him. Damn! I hear him whisper my name softly, "Bella? Are you okay?"
Still biting down on my lip I manage to speak, "Fine Edward, just a bad dream."
Instead of pushing me away, Edward pulls me even closer which brings my wet core hard against his leg again but this time I can't hold in the moan. My whole body trembles as it's the first feeling of this kind to hit me. I want more, I dream of more and I need it now. I forget everything else as I grind myself hard against his leg making that sweet sensation happen again and again. I feel Edward's arms tense around me and know that he is beginning to see what I am doing; I don't have much time left before he pushes me away so I lose the sleepy act. Before he can push me away, I straddle him pushing myself down against him hard and gasp as I realize that I can feel him pushing back against me, hard and ready.
Then I hear his voice, it is quiet but full of an almost needy whine, "Bella, please don't do that."
Too late now, I grind down hard again leaning forward to brace my arms on his chest as I arch my back moaning loudly but before I can do it again, Edward flips us over pinning me down. I struggle against him and push myself up against his hardness making us both moan. "Edward stop fighting me, you want me I can feel it." A low growl comes from him and suddenly he kisses me hard almost devouring me with his own need. I don't fight it but kiss him back just as hard almost biting his lip as he grinds into me for the first time. It feels…so damn good, amazing and its hitting me in a spot that makes me almost scream. When he pulls back from me I can see he is fighting to regain control of himself. His eyes have changed to black and his jaw is set in a firm line. I know he is almost ready to move away from me so I speak again, "don't you want me?"
It has the opposite effect of what I want and Edward is suddenly gone from me standing across the room staring out the window. I am still breathing hard and my body aches for him as I groan in frustration he turns to look at me. "Did I hurt you?"
"YES!" I am almost crying and screaming, I don't care if I wake my father because at this point all I can register is my body aching for him. "You can't do this to me; don't you remember what it's like to be human? All those feelings, those needs and those demands of your body? Damn it Edward, I need you, I need some kind of release before I go mad. You need to come back to me now."
"Isabella Swan, I will not discuss this with you while you are in this state. I am not coming back to you so you can try to make me change my mind. I won't do it."
"Fine then you won't give me any release, I will do it myself." I throw off the covers on my bed to the floor and flop back hard against the pillows. He has turned to stare at me eyeing me curiously.
"Bella, what the hell are you talking about?"
"Bet you wish you could read my mind right now don't you Edward Cullen?" My voice is now deep and raspy with my need coming through, damn him for making me this way. I would make him sorry for that as I stared up at him slowly bringing both hands to my hair. Then one hand begins twisting and curling a piece of my long hair while my other I bring to my face. As I run my fingers over my mouth I notice him staring at me intently and slowly moving back towards my bed but I ignore him.
"Bella." There was a warning in his voice that almost made me laugh as I ran my finger over my lips just imagining it was him, that part of him that I felt so big, so hard, and so ready for me. Closing my eyes I slowly pushed a finger into my mouth sucking and licking it like I long to do to him, then I heard his gasp. "Bella, please stop."
A soft giggle comes from me hearing the desperation in his voice but I am going to ignore him as he has me for so long. I ease my finger out of my mouth and then bring both hands to my t-shirt. As I run my fingers lightly over my breasts my nipples pop up like two hard peaks that are dying to be touched. I dare to open my eyes and find that Edward is now standing silent and intent staring at me right next to my bed but it only makes me want to tease him more. So as he stares at me, I ease my hands down lower and lower.
"Bella, don't make me…"
I sit straight up staring at him then before he can finish speaking I blast him, "don't what? You can't tell me not to touch myself. You won't do it. Edward I am just a weak human remember? You won't change me so this is who I am. I am weak, I have feeling and needs. "
Again his voice is full of warning but I just stare at him, "Bella, I can't. If I hurt you I would never forgive myself."
"Edward you hurt me every day by leaving me like this, don't you remember what it's like to lust for someone?" As I speak I ease my hands down my stomach seeing his eyes following their path as they go lower and lower. I purposely part them and reach one hand on each thigh. I don't think it's possible but I would swear that Edward is sweating, I see him swallow nervously as I move my one hand to lightly trace over my wet core. I arch my back and a small moan escapes. Suddenly the bed moves as Edward is sitting between my legs. I almost stop and reach for him but he is not moving just staring at my hand so I pull my panties to the side as I stare up at him. I see him bite his lip hard as my scent fills the air. It is heavy and sweet at the same time and I am so damn wet that my panties are soaked. I wonder if my blood is already a strong issue for him what this scent will do to him. As an answer to my question, I see his face grow a wild almost crazy look and he moves down as if sniffing for the source of the musky scent in the air but he does not touch me in any way. I am surprised but don't stop my torture of us both. I bring my fingers under my panties and am not surprised by the wetness I find there, I can feel my whole body tingling and aching for a release of some kind so I rub my fingers against my clit biting my lip hard. Just the touch makes me shudder but it's like the tip of something bigger to come so I ease one finger into myself and just as I am about to bring it out, I feel it pushed in deeper making me cry out. Edward's hand is over mine, making my finger dive deep inside me.
Then my hand is eases out and I hear Edward's voice deep and dark, "use two Bella." Nodding without words I ease two fingers into my wet heat and gasp again as he brings his hand over mine, pushing my fingers in deep and hard. My breathing becomes erratic and Edward begins to make my fingers thrust in and out of me slowly at first but then harder and suddenly faster.
"Edward, oh my god" I gasp and can feel my thighs beginning to sweat with the power of what is happening to me. I never have touched myself like this, how could I with Edward always here? Now I am writhing and warmth is flooding over me making me wetter than even before. I close my eyes and just concentrate on the way I feel, I can feel myself nearing something…..but just as my walls begin to contract around my fingers Edward stops moving my hand making me groan at him in frustration. "WHAT? Why did you stop?"
Then I feel my hand being pulled to his mouth, Edward's eyes are closed and he is sniffing again…..this time sniffing my hand and it makes me stop dead in my whining to watch him in fascination. The look on his face, it's like he has found heaven and is not sure how to react. He moves my hand closer and closer to him then I see his jaw clench tight. I dare not speak as I am not sure how he will react in this state but then I cry out as I feel his cold tongue run over my fingers. My whole body shudders at this contact and what was started can't be stopped. I gasp and rub my legs together as my body begins shaking uncontrollably I can't stop it, my first true orgasm has me screaming and thrashing on the bed. I forget to worry about Edwards's reaction as I swear at the top of lungs. I feel his hand over my mouth and it's all I can do not to bite him hard.
I hear a noise and know it's my father but I am helpless to do anything but moan at this time, my body is still pulsating hard as I hear my door knob being turned. Suddenly my covers fly up from the floor and Edward is under them pulling me to face away from the door, he pulls my head down as if I am leaning in the pillows to muffle my moaning as the door swings open. "Bella, you okay? Did I hear a scream?"
Dazed and confused I am just hoping that I appear sleepy to my father's eyes I turn my head to look at him, "I'm fine Dad just a bad dream. Sorry to wake you."
Charlie just nods and then leaves the room closing the door tight behind him then I hear a growl from under the sheets, I know I'm in trouble now.
"Edward I'm sorry….." But before I can finish I feel cold hands on my thighs making me gasp. "What are you doing?"
His laughter makes a cool breeze on my thigh letting me know right where he is under my sheets and it makes my body shudder knowing how close he is to where I long for him to be. "Bella, you like to tease…. Maybe it's my turn now." All I can do is gasp as he flips the covers back to the floor letting me see that he is now kneeling between my open thighs with both hands nearing my wet core.
"Oh my god, you want me to scream again?" I laugh as suddenly I am hit with one of my pillows.
"Muffle yourself if you need to." Is all he says to me as he moves his hands nearer and nearer to my panties, they are still off to the one side where I pushed them but they are completely soaked now and sticking to my skin. His cold breath on my wet heat is making me squirm already. I hold the pillow in both hands and just stare as his hand moves to where mine was. The coolness makes me nearly arch myself up off the bed but it just makes Edward laugh and he runs his fingers over my soaked panties. "These are really just in the way now." It is on the tip of my tongue to say I will remove them but suddenly Edward's head darts down between my legs and I hear a ripping sound. I can feel them brush over my sensitized skin and I look down at him to see my panties hanging from his mouth.
"Oh my god, did you just remove those with your teeth? Edward…why?"
A laugh is my only answer as Edward takes what is left of my panties out of his mouth and brings them to his face sniffing deeply. "Damn and I thought you smelt great before, this scent damn Bella. You might have found my other weakness. I want you to come for me again; I want more of this right now."
Not sure what he means, I open my mouth to speak but am quickly lost as I feel his cold fingers creeping over my clit. I swear softly bringing the pillow up towards my face. "Jesus…fuck Edward you are going to make me scream again."
"That is the plan but how did that work before; I think something like this…..might work." His fingers ease inside me very slowly and he invades me for the first time my body reacts to the coldness of his touch by shuddering hard again. I hear his laughter but all I can focus on is clenching the pillow hoping not to scream out again. Then he begins to move his fingers like he did mine, slowly in and out. Then faster and pushing deeper so his fingertip brushes my inner walls. My thighs begin to shake uncontrollably and I have to fight not to bring them closed around his hand. As I begin to reach that point again I can't control myself, I can feel myself arching up against his hand and moving in time with his thrusts as they take me over making me almost scream again. I try to bring the pillow to muffle my cries but as my orgasm comes again I am paralyzed with the power of it just clenching the pillow in both hands.
Suddenly I lose all control and my body bucks back against his fingers finding that sweet release again. This time his name is what comes flying out of my mouth loud…..suddenly Edward's other hand is covering my mouth and this time I can't help it I bite it hard as I try to breathe through the sensations that are ripping through my body like a flame burning through my flesh. Then the alarm goes off loud and startles us both. It masks some of my noise as I am still thrashing through coming down from this intense high. Edward laughs as he listens and then before I can worry about my father I feel his fingers hit my clit hard as he pulls them out. I cry out again and he just laughs, "Sorry no more fun for you, you need to get dressed for school Ms. Swan, I will be waiting outside." Before I can protest, he is gone again.